Dealing with “those” members

By Shawn McQueen, Two Brain Group Coaching Mentor

What does it take to create a life where the negative opinions of others have zero effect on you? 

You know those people in your class who seem to just say what they feel without a filter? 

Who can trigger you or upset you with a simple sentence?

“Why are we doing this?” 

“More shoulders, really? As if we haven’t done enough shoulders already.”

“I wasn’t paying attention, what are we supposed to be doing again?” 


Our responsibility is to consistently provide leadership and guidance. 

Resources, devotion and care. 

Commitment to their betterment, progress and blossoming. 

Yet there are inevitable days where people will inherently challenge why the hell you care so much. 

Challenge why you try so hard. 

Challenge your Coaching, your craft and most importantly…

Challenge you. 

We must constantly remind ourselves that we are not in control of how people react or what they say. 

And our truest power is not handing over our power to them. 

Words without meaning carry with them no power, like an unloaded gun. 

And as people attempt to fire away at you at times, realize they only have blanks. 

And the rare chance that they don’t? 

That thing they say triggers something within you to want to react?

Pause…

& Remind yourself, you’re the one wearing the bullet proof vest. 

It’s never about you. 

Or me. 

Or even the workout. 

It’s about them. 

It’s about feelings, thoughts and emotions. 

It’s about expression.

It’s about stress and those things going on behind the scenes that only they know about. 

Their struggles, their fears, their disappointments coming together and stacking on top of one another.

And you, dear coach, provide a safe environment where they feel comfortable to express what they are feeling.

It may be masked with a wise remark, dry humor or simply frustration.

Our objective as leaders is to give it no power.

To not lose our emotions in the heat of the moment. 

To not lose our confidence and ability to command the room and carry out a great coached class. 

To not react. 

So we must pause in these moments. 

We must stop. 

Take a breath. 

Let whatever’s said pass right through versus lingering, giving life to or allowing to affect our ability to coach, communicate and perform. 

When members see that their moments of child-like behaviors or outbursts aren’t met, magnified or even affect you, they realize more and more these behaviors aren’t useful.

They realize they lack relevance, importance and power without you even saying a word at times. 

They realize who’s in charge. 

Who their leader is. 

And they will soon begin to follow your lead. 

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